Embracing Ugly

By Hana Abdulla
Twitter @ weirdnessss
Instagram@ weirdnesss

As his toes curled, his eyes shut and he was lost in an orgasmic stupor. His body sunk deeper into the plush couch of his snazzy bachelor pad, drained of movement and trying to snap back into reality. Trying to regulate his breath while still in a euphoric trance, Mario looked down at her and uttered, “I’ve never experienced anything like that, that was the best I’ve ever had.” For a papi chulo like Mario, he thought he had experienced the best of the best but apparently he hadn’t, he laid back basking in bliss and just stared at her in disbelief. He couldn’t believe he hadn’t had her sooner. Luz, on her knees, looked up at him smiling seductively, like she conquered Goliath. But her heart sank. The shame of that repetitive routine of trying to find her soul in the pants of the right socialite giant- if only the right one, with the right life status wanted her enough, maybe she would want herself.  Each time the juices exploded and the compliments flowed of how orally talented she was, she had to remain in character while her spirit deteriorated a little more. The only thought that ever ran through her mind after each performance was how she’d been practicing since she was 5.

Every two minutes someone in the United States is sexually assaulted and 80% of them are under the age of 30 (rainn.org). We are entering a new age where dysfunction is getting louder and there aren’t enough lids to cover our internal fiasco. Childhood sexual abuse isn’t just an issue for parents and teachers to worry about. There are thousands of adults with unhealed childhood abuse walking around in a seemingly hopeless state of mind. They don’t understand why they are the way they are or why they do the things they do and the last thing on their mind is attributing it to a childhood trauma they have locked away in their memory box, long forgotten. However, whatever we resist will persist. Life finds as many ways as possible to give us the opportunity to deal with the unacceptable. We have to deal sooner or later. We have to deal not just for ourselves but because nothing we have survived has been in vain. There will come a time in our lives where we are faced with our old self in a new body and have to teach them what we learned from our experiences. It could be our children, family, friends or a stranger- we’re all connected whether we want to accept that or not.

“How can she find peace in her mind when
Love means returning to the scene of a crime?” – Brother Ali (Babygirl)

There is a wide range of issues that follow childhood sexual abuse. You may have experienced some yourself or seen them in someone you care for. Here’s a general check-list to give you an idea of what these individuals are up against (rain.org and d2l.org):
– Substance abuse
– Eating disorders – anorexia, bulimia, over eating, extreme low self-esteem
– Psychological disorders – depression, anxiety, disassociation, self-harm
– Posttraumatic stress disorder
– Promiscuity/ sexual anorexia

Although the issue seems to be more prevalent among women that does not mean men are not affected. 1 in 33 men will be a victim of an attempt or completed attack (rainn.org). This is not an issue of sexual orientation or gender but more a human rights issue. According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, as human beings one of our most fundamental needs is security. As survivors of childhood sexual abuse, security becomes just an elusive idea that one hopes to obtain again at some point in life. We lose the right to feel safe for a lifetime when our childhood is robbed and the longer we go without addressing the pink elephant in our living room (i.e. having been abused) we will also be robbed of a healthy adulthood.

Some will spend a lifetime trying to find comfort in people, places and things hoping to fulfill our inside needs with outside sources. The saddest part is that using outside entities to fill our innate emptiness will never materialize fulfillment. The time comes where we have to put on our big girl panties (man up) and face the decision to heal or not. The process is a personal one and only we can decide whether to continue in self- destruction or find serenity in disaster.

Walk A Mile In Her Shoes – University of Miami (UM)

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Slut Walk – Florida International University (FIU)

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Humanity needs patience, love and tolerance. We all have our journeys to walk but the one thing that saddens me is the isolation we have in our community. Everyone needs help but no one has the humility to ask for the hand. We all want to be martyrs and make it to the other side without help. We want to walk with our head up high while arrogantly patting ourselves on the back for having made it with no help. It’s a sad existence to be living in a fort that we have sufficiently guarded. The whole mentality of being born alone and dying alone has been taken too literal. Our children are learning to not depend on anyone -not even their families- and then we wonder why our teen violence rates are sky rocketing. Who’s loving, nurturing and teaching our children how to cope with life? Lil Wayne? Niki Minaj? REALLY?!

We bleed the same blood as the prostitute on the corner, we breath the same air as the bum under the bridge, we laugh like that child in a shelter and we cry like the business man who has it all yet realizes he has nothing. WE ARE ONE. We need to start acting like it and start building a real life for the next generation. We need to stop destroying each other and help each other build together, to end shame, hatred and solitude. If each of us were to do our part by being open, willing and honest and by making ourselves available to be of service to the universe, miracles can happen and lives can change. Let’s start a new chapter for Miami and let it begin with US. There are many shelters, foundations and organizations that need help, whether it’s volunteer work or through donations. There is also help available for those in need. Humanity needs your help and you are a part of this tribe.

Here is a list of a few of the organizations where you can give or receive help!
kristihouse.org
lotushouseshelter.org
safespacefoundation.org
familycounseling.org
sufl.ove.org
rescue.org
rainn.org
d2l.org