Ultra Music Festival Says “Goodbye” to Miami

What started as a local event turned into a global phenomenon and changed the landscape of EDM forever. Miami has been home to many things and one it’s guilty pleasures is Ultra Music Festival.

Although the event brings in millions to the City of Miami the amount of noise complaints, traffic congestion issues, and number of unreported criminal cases hit a record high. After days of meetings the City of Miami and Ultra Music Festival have decided to part ways. Moving the annual dance festival to other pastures, where? Homestead.

“They have enough space for the Chilli Cook-Off and enough space for a race track. We’re dancing there. No one complains out in the boonies.”said Gerald Mata-Nota

Non-officials have stated “..this has become an epidemic and we need to stop it. While they have all that tookie tookie tiki tiki music playing. I live here in Downtown, Miami and my windows rattle non-stop. Its like my lungs are really being massaged by the bass and they are supposedly JUST doing a sound check. What if my window falls off? Then what?” said a resident, a gentlemen wearing a Dance Party USA hat. 17 year old Ricardo Drumpfe told us “Satan has made this event prosper and it scares my grandchildrens children.”

For more information slap yourself or have someone do it for you. Happy April Fools.